What is R U OK? Day?
R U OK? Day is a national day of action in New Zealand and Australia that reminds us to check in with the people around us. In 2025, it falls on Thursday, 11 September. The goal is simple: by asking “Are you OK?” in a genuine way, we can create space for meaningful conversations that may save a life.
In Aotearoa, mental health challenges are significant. According to the Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand, around one in five Kiwis experience mental distress each year. R U OK? Day is not just about awareness — it’s about action, connection, and manaakitanga (care for others).
Why These Conversations Matter
When someone is struggling, they may hide it behind a smile or avoid talking about their feelings. A simple, caring question can:
– Break the silence and reduce stigma
– Show a person they are not alone
– Encourage them to seek support before reaching crisis point
This aligns closely with Māori and Pasifika values of whānau and community — wellbeing is not just individual, but collective.
How to Ask “Are You OK?” in a Supportive Way
Not all check-ins are equal. Here are some ways to approach the conversation so it feels safe and supportive:
– Choose the right time and place. Pick somewhere private and relaxed, without distractions.
– Ask gently and listen fully. A simple “I’ve noticed you seem a bit down lately, are you OK?” can open the door. Pause and give them time to respond.
– Avoid trying to “fix” things. You don’t need all the answers. Listening with empathy is powerful on its own.
– Encourage professional help. If they are struggling, suggest talking to a GP, counsellor, or helpline. Offer to help them make the first call if needed.
– Follow up. Check in again after a few days. Ongoing care shows you genuinely mean it.
If Someone Says They’re Not OK
It can feel daunting if someone tells you they’re struggling. Remember, you don’t have to be a counsellor — just a caring friend, colleague, or whānau member. You can:
– Thank them for trusting you
– Reassure them that help is available
– Ask if they feel safe
– Encourage them to connect with professional support
If they express thoughts of self-harm or suicide, take it seriously. In New Zealand, call 1737 (free, 24/7) or dial 111 if they are in immediate danger.
Final Thoughts
R U OK? Day is a reminder that small conversations can make a big difference. By checking in with compassion and courage, we help create a culture where mental health is talked about openly, without shame.
This year, let’s use 11 September as a starting point — not just a one-day event. Keep asking, keep listening, and keep showing up for each other.
If you or someone you know would like support, I offer online therapy sessions across Auckland and New Zealand. Together, we can create a safe space to talk and move towards wellbeing.